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Tuesday November 3rd, 2020

 


Day 3 Oracle Draw: Clover ; "release your guilt"

I carry around guilt like a worn out tote bag that's slung over the shoulder.

I hold so much, stored roughly in the pit of my stomach.

Guilt for the unhealthy food I divulge in.

The small amount of time I spend on personal reading or writing my memoir.

Even allowing myself a nap or going to bed before 9 PM.

These are the lightest aspects of the guilt pile I harbor.

I constantly question myself as to why I allow my mind to poison my soul.

Poison my thoughts and convert my thinking into believing that what I'm doing

isn't good enough.

But, I've never been where I am right now.

And I certainly cannot move backwards as to where I was.

I won't allow myself.

I've made a conscious decision towards bettering my lifestyle--healthy choices.

Eating habits, joining a gym, forcing myself to wash my face and brush my teeth twice a day

and not just once.

Applying (and hopefully getting) a higher up position at my job.

A job I didn't necessarily go to school and get a degree for,

but I job in which I get to meet influential people and make them smile in these hardest of times.

A job that pays my bills and allows me to have a roof over my head,

a roof that keeps me covered and dry as I attempt to read leisurely, when I choose to.

To write, when I'm most inspired.

Whether it be a positive outburst

or a sorrowful bleed.

I've got to give myself a break.

Life isn't the race I think it is in which I'll be judged for all that I do.

It's about what I give towards all that I do.

My very best, or a small attempt towards it,

every time.


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